"Going for Broke" by Nam de Plume

For everyone who watches the gloriously bad Patrick Swayze movie Roadhouse every time it is on television, there is a new(ish) film that achieves the same "can't stop watching it and can't explain why" effect. That movie is the 1999 release Two Ninas. Both films feature a mix of good and too-bad-to-be-true actors going for broke with ludicrous dialogue in implausibly rendered plausible situations.
In Roadhouse, Swayze is a super-bouncer-for-hire who comes to be a "cooler" at a small-town bar where the bad guy in town is Ben Gazzarra. Gazzara's Brad Wesley is a small-town-America Saddam Hussein. Gazzarra, a terrific actor, chews scenery in a role so cartoonish, it seems to set the tone for Roadhouse as a big in-joke. However, Swayze, another good actor - if you don't believe me, take a look at his performance in Donnie Darko - is not on the same page as Gazzarra, spitting lines like "Pain don't hurt" as though they were scripture. And that is the appeal of Roadhouse, the elements are so incongruous it is like watching a cubist painting come to life. The initial fun in watching Roadhouse is to try to figure out why you keep watching it as one absurdity after another whizzes by onscreen. Sam Elliott as a 50-something guy who scares booze filled felons? Of course. A town where the most successful businessman, Gazzarra, zigs-zags over double yellow highway lines to the melody of "Shboom, Shboom"? Roadhouse has got it.
After you give up on figuring out the addictive quality of Roadhouse, the secondary pleasure is figuring out how everyone else seems to get its inexplicable charm too. Now, I do not remember Roadhouse making much of a splash at the box-office when is was released. But, TNT and other insightful stations have granted it the status of new classic, judging by the frequency with which it is shown. The final, and perhaps sweetest, of Roadhouse's pleasures is watching it with someone who does not get it. Those folks who miss the magic and merely evaluate Roadhouse as a regular bad movie grow infuriated that there exists a cult of Roadhousians who are powerless to stop themselves from flicking to it between commercials or in rotation with other worthwhile shows on television. As for those who rent Roadhouse, they are a special group whose mysterious grasp is like Madonna's mastery of the Kabballah.
For a long time, Roadhouse stood so far above its peers in the addictive bad movie genre that it - perish the thought - got boring. But after further review, and review, and review, Two Ninas has revealed itself to be a challenger to Roadhouse. In Two Ninas, Ron Livingston (you will recognize him from Swingers, Office Space and/or Sex and the City) stars as Marty. Marty is a great writer, great friend and hapless ladies man. The plot of Two Ninas tracks Marty as he learns about women and himself by dating two girls named Nina. How do we know that Marty is a great friend, writer and loser in love? Because Marty's best friend, Dave, played by the painfully appropriately named Bray Poor (you will know him from nowhere), tells us. Poor is the narrator of Two Ninas who, in addition to being Marty's best friend, is supposed to be a chain-smoking ladies man. Oh, and Marty sells his book to an agent while crying about his problems dating two women. The Rodeo Bar on Third Avenue is featured heavily in the movie.
Livingston is game as hell uttering lines like "I don't know which Nina believes in me." Poor is a wonder of bad acting, also while being forced to utter witticisms like "Don't let them take you alive!" to Marty when they go to pick up girls at a party. But the real genius in Two Ninas is leading lady, one of the Ninas and co-producer Cara Buono. One can't help but be stunned as Buono, an average looking girl who pales next to castmates Amanda Peet and prime-time Jill Hennessy, try to carry her side of the movie as the leading lady. When you see her name in the credits as co-producer, you get some explanation not available in Roadhouse.
So go right now and check out your Time Warner or RCN digital cable on-screen guide for the next showing of Two Ninas or Roadhouse. Oh and if you can figure out why I keep watching them, please tell me, because I am more confused now than when I started this piece.